Week One: Changing Vegan Perspectives
Conversion meal: What would you make to convince an omni to convert?
Call me a spoilsport, but would someone really go vegan based on food alone? If a person chooses to reduce the variety of foods they eat, they’re not gonna do it just for fun, without a compelling reason. So let’s assume a baseline for this prompt: The “someone” in question — let’s call her Jane Omni — has already bought in to the underlying arguments for going vegan, but she needs reassurance that she’ll still have lots of delicious food to eat with this new lifestyle. (Am I being too pedantic and interrogating this prompt more than necessary? Probably. I just like guidelines, OK?!)
So. Pedantry acknowledged, let’s move on! Jane Omni is ready to go vegan and I have the immensely important task of feeding her incredible food to help convince her to make the switch. Forget fake meat, mac ’n cheese, even ice cream… Jane and I are doing brunch. A massive, sweet and savory, boozy brunch with lots and lots of options. It will last hours. She will leave in mild stomach pain. She won’t eat until the next morning. This is the shock and awe conversion approach; I’m appealing to the ravenous glutton that resides in all of us.
(Also, the booze is key. I’m going to get her good and tipsy so she’ll remember the meal fondly. She might even drunkenly pinkie-promise to go vegan. Hey, I didn’t say I’d be playing fair!)
Our disgustingly expansive brunch will include:
- All the fixings for mimosas and Bloody Marys (house-made, fish-free Bloody Mary mix included!)
- Fresh juices (I’m thinking orange and mango?)
- Hash browns AND home fries AND lovely herby roasted potato wedges, to satisfy any potato preference
- A big pan of basic tofu scramble, with optional sautéed veggie add-ins (peppers, onions, mushrooms) and lots of hot sauce and ketchup for topping
- Tortillas, homemade refried beans, diced avocado, cheesy shreds, and pico de gallo to make breakfast burritos with the aforementioned tofu scramble
- Sweet potato and veggie chorizo hash (also acceptable to stuff into a burrito)
- Made-to-order waffles with optional add-ins
- Stacks of classic fluffy pancakes, plus homemade vegan butter, plenty of pure maple syrup, and fruity toppings (blueberry sauce! apple compote!)
- The lemon-poppy seed muffins from Vegan Brunch: Homestyle Recipes Worth Waking Up For, because they are the best
- Scones! Regular and potato.
- Rice paper bacon. This is ballsy, but I’m going to wait until she’s tipsy to bring it out. I probably won’t call it bacon; I’ll just serve it up and let her enjoy it for what it is.
- Bowls of fresh fruit, cut up into charmingly bite-sized pieces for easy health food consumption amidst the rest of this unhealthy decadence
- Some amazing fluffy homemade biscuits and a vat of vegan sausage gravy
- DOUGHNUTS. Dozens.
Listen. If Jane Omni doesn’t make the switch after rolling out of my house, belly full and booze-addled, she’s a lost cause.
…and now I’m hungry for brunch.
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