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August 3, 2019August 3, 2019 / Kelly

Farmers market haul — potatoes, cabbage, salad greens, apples, okra, tomatoes, a cucumber, corn, and peaches.

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← Farmers Market Haul (and Bonus Baby Bird Content!) | VeganMoFo 2019 Day Three

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I’m learning that healing from medical trauma is not linear but I’m committed to finding moments of joy as I navigate this new normal. I petted a dog at a native plant nursery and that was pretty great. My yard is full of plants that nurture wild creatures and that is also pretty great. I ate a chocolate-peanut butter brownie and, yep, that was pretty great too.

Here I am, at my final chemo infusion last week on 4/20 (👀), with a ginormous stash of notes, cards, and all sorts of goodies from colleagues and friends, collected by @stevenyenzer and slipped into my chemo bag. It has been tough to go through 95% of my appointments and treatments alone. Sometimes I see photos of folks going through cancer treatment in years past, mask-less and sitting in the infusion room with loved ones by their side to adjust the ice blocks on their feet or hold their hands or just provide a quiet, supportive presence, and I feel sad and angry and cheated of that experience. But gifts like these are a presence of their own. I asked that day’s infusion nurse, Anna, to snap a photo of me with all these cards and she said she’d been smiling watching me go through them. So, my dear friends, know that you brought joy to more than one person with your thoughtfulness. ❤️

Happy Fosterversary to Lil Miss Snaggletooth Sneeryface! The second pic shows the first time she ventured out from her hiding place under the bed the day we brought her home. She’s been a sweetie from day one. 🐈

Lil sprawler. 🐱

Sooo I got one of those ubiquitous chemo caps from a lovely seller on Etsy. 😬 It definitely screams “CANCER PATIENT” but you know what? It’s super comfy and very useful for these early spring days when a knit hat is too toasty but a bare head invites chills. So I’m embracing it, and pretending it maybe looks glamorous with sunnies? 😎 (Glamor possibly negated by my giant fluffy jacket.)

Nature walks with Rosie (and skunk cabbage!). 🌱

I’m 34 today. It’s my second pandemic birthday and my first birthday in cancerland. I should feel so many things today but honestly... I’m just tired. My most recent round of chemo was tough and I’m still off-kilter. But, hey, I’m here. And that’s something. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Comin’ atcha with my patchy bald-ish head and my brand new bandages and my double masks. This is cancer. This is cancer in a pandemic. This is cancer when your first port incision decides not to heal and you discover a literal hole in the incision and you have to head to the hospital to get the whole damn port removed but you can’t have any sedation because you already ate breakfast and then you have to go back a few days later to get your second damn port installed... aaaaand go in for your second round of chemo the very next day.

This is a Steven appreciation post, on the occasion of our 10th (!!!) anniversary, accompanied by an assortment of photos from the past year-ish.

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