When I first accepted my job offer, S and I started packing — in lite mode. By which I mean we sat in our bedroom watching back-to-back (…to back) episodes of Parks & Rec while leisurely putting off-season clothes in suitcases. Then we transitioned into medium mode, where we taped together boxes, packed up the non-essentials, and listed our furniture on Craigslist. But now, with a week (!) till moving day, it’s time for hardcore packing mode.

By which I mean kitchen packing mode.

Ugh.

Today I started cleaning out the fridge. It wasn’t too bad, but there were some notable finds in there that made me feel ashamed and wasteful. And also like a weirdo. For example, stuck in the back was sticky bag of really old sliced almonds. Why was the bag sticky? Because I put an unfinished glass of red wine in the fridge, forgot about it, and spilled it while rooting around on the top shelf last week. Oops.

Stale almonds in red wine sauce.

Also, I found half a lime. The rind was extremely hard and brittle, but because I stored it face-down, the actual lime was okay. I squeezed it into the citrus chia water I like to keep in my fridge for a before/after-run refreshment. (Yes, I go running now. Who am I.)

Mmm, desiccated lime!

Then there was a container of what I can only assume is oatmeal. WTF, y’all. I rarely eat oatmeal at home (it’s an at-work breakfast), and when I do, I don’t have leftovers. It might be from a month ago when I was rushing to eat breakfast before heading off to an all-day volunteer event, but I dunno.

Must be oatmeal, right?!

I also discovered this tiny bowl of sliced green onions. They did not look or smell like a particularly appetizing garnish for any dish.

Just, no.

Aaand finally, I found a ridiculously small amount of coconut cream left in its can. Seriously, Past Kelly, why did you save that?! No one ever wants that small a serving of coconut cream. Ugh.

That’s half a tablespoon, tops.

This was, obviously, not all I found. The freezer housed a treasure trove of mysterious creamy concoctions, mostly sauces that we never finished and I optimistically assumed would seem appealing later on. (Spoiler: They rarely do.)

Up next? Actually cleaning the fridge. Those sticky red wine spots ain’t gonna scrub themselves.