Guys, I’m an idiot.

You know how there’s that stereotype of the book-learned, academically gifted person who, while brilliant, lacks common sense and an ability to function outside an academic environment? Well, that’s not me. Not exactly, at least. I mean, my dad may tell me I’m brilliant, but c’mon – he’s my dad. And in general I do have common sense, and I think I am perfectly capable of functioning in the real world.

But sometimes I can be a real blockhead.

I’ve been drinking Green Monsters a la Angela all summer now, despite the looks of revulsion I get from most family members when I gleefully stand at the kitchen island pulling pieces of kale apart and throwing them into my blender with wild abandon. I have grown to love green smoothies and I just can’t understand why more people don’t try the gorgeously colored drinks.

But guess what? All this time I’ve been ignorant, misguided, foolish. Today, however, I realized what I’ve been doing wrong, corrected my error, and have now entered a state of Green Monster nirvana. My mistake? Not blending my smoothies long enough.

Yeah. Really. It’s that simple and that stupid. Today I was tempted to blend it for longer because of the rather revolting slimy banana chunks that I found in my last smoothie, but I don’t really care about the reasoning behind my change at this point. All I know is that adding an extra twenty seconds to my blending time creates heaven in a glass. It was a hallelujah moment when I took a sip of this Monster and realized that no longer would I be forced to chew up bits of unblended kale! No longer would I find large green specks between my chompers! And no longer would I be confronted with slimy banana bits! New vistas of smoothly blended bliss have opened up before me. I’ve seen the light!

I wish I had an older photo for comparison, because seriously – this Green Monster is pure velvety bliss compared to what I’ve been drinking. No wonder it seemed like my old smoothies weren’t green enough – I wasn’t truly blending them! And no wonder they always photographed poorly. It probably also helps that I’ve graduated from a Carleton pint glass to this posh crystal number I dug out from my family’s “special occasion” cupboard, but still. Even if I did drink this from a pint glass it would still be heaven in a glass.

I’m so elated and energized by this discovery that I’m going to go do some core and arm exercises to celebrate. Guys, I never work out in the morning, but since this Monster goes down easy (that’s what she said), it also goes down faster than my previous Monsters, and has already given me a boost of energy to fuel an unprecedented morning workout.

Hallelujah!

Please forgive the LOLspeak in my title. Even though spelling errors make me cringe (English major alert!), I find LOLcats ridiculously amusing. Forgive me!