Today has been a day of experimentation, with – I’m sorry to say – generally dismal results. It began this morning when I decided that my typical Green Monster (banana/soy milk/kale/soy protein powder) was getting a little boring. Spotting a couple of kiwis sitting abandoned in the fruit bowl, I decided to conquer my fear of the fuzzy fruit and throw one in. I’m not sure why exactly I have an aversion to kiwis, to be honest. When I was young my mom used to cut them up for my siblings and I during the summer, and although VeggaSis and VeggaBro loved them, I… didn’t. But I’m all for giving food a second chance, so into the GM it went.

Well. This GM was kiiinda nasty. First of all, the kale refused to blend nicely. Second, it tasted gross. At first I blamed the kiwi and set about gulping down the Monster, since I hate wasting food. But as I continued drinking – grimacing all the while – I realized that the disgusting taste was more along the lines of an unripe banana than anything. I don’t know about you guys, but there’s something about unripe bananas that makes me want to vomit. Actually, bananas in general have always been troublesome for me; as a kid I hated their texture, and their taste didn’t excite me enough to make me enjoy eating them. These days I can stomach ’em okay (well, most of the time), but today the unripe banana flavor in my GM defeated my willpower and after I gagged and nearly vomited (TMI, I know), I just couldn’t finish this Monster. At least I only had about half a cup left. MAJOR FAIL.

My next ‘speriment looked pretty innocent from the outside.

Seems like your average peanut-butter-on-whole-wheat-flatbread sandwich, right? INCORRECT. Let’s reveal the secret ingredient that made this sammie so memorable!

Yes, folks, that is a peanut butter and onion sandwich right there. At some point during my web surfing this morning, I saw someone mention enjoying pb&o sandwiches and I had to learn more. A quick trip to VegWeb opened up the wide world of bizarro peanut butter sandwiches. Being a curious lady, I decided to give this rather unorthodox pairing a shot.

Honestly? I wasn’t feeling it. To be fair, it wasn’t nearly as disgusting as I’d anticipated; the flavors really did sort of cancel each other out. But overall it was just kind of odd. I didn’t toast it as the VegWeb “recipe” suggests, but I kind of doubt that would’ve made much of an improvement. So although it wasn’t utterly repulsive and I didn’t run to the toilet screaming after taking my first bite, I don’t anticipate trying this combo again any time soon. The flavor was just not worth having my mouth taste like onions for the rest of the afternoon. ;) MINOR FAIL.

My third and final experiment should’ve made up for my past two failures. The blog world has been raving about Gena’s banana soft serve for a couple of weeks now, so I thought it was high-time I gave this treat a go. Despite the fact that banana flavoring is not my top choice for any sort of icy treat, I was totally prepared to be amazed by the soft serve.

And, um, I was amazed, but in a terribly, terribly bad way. I was – and am – amazed that the frozen banana chunks appear to have killed the family food processor.

Ooops.

I haven’t told my parents about this yet, as it happened merely half an hour ago. But as soon as I turned on the food processor, it started jumping around and then stopped completely a few seconds later. All subsequent attempts to get it to work failed. I fear the worst. Again, MAJOR FAIL.

Sigh.